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June 14th, 2009

Perspective

Some days...when it gets really rough, I make a point to look at this picture and remind myself....




It's not that bad.

Well, I didn't think that I was going to write about this here. In such a public forum. One that I know many close friends and family read. But I find myself now sitting at the keyboard needing an outlet for my thoughts on the matter. So here goes...

I am pregnant again. 

So far things are looking good, and I'm sick and tired as hell which is also a great sign. But I'm finding myself very ambivilent to it all.

After so many losses (3 to be exact) in the recent months, I just can't muster up much excitment. I'm tired and enbittered, and just so wary of letting that spark of hope creep in only to be snuffed out once again.  

Part of me thinks that It's a way of protecting myself in case things don't go well again, another part of me asserts that I'm just so worn out from having to be "on" 24/7 for a toddler already that I'm not in the right frame of mind. But no matter the rational... the fact remains that I still feel guilty.

I really do want the excitment and bubbly-ness to be here! But I can't fake it and I can't force it.

Right now I'm simply counting the days. Watching the weeks go by. Staying helthy and relaxed. 
Trying to keep my mind off of it, but simotaniously keeping a central part of me focused on it so as not to let it slip away.

So, that's where I'm at right now.
Hopefully at my appointment in a few weeks I can gain some reasurrence in the form of actually seeing a little heartbeat, but until then...I'm just, here.



 

LOL


I normally don't give Diet Ads a second thought...but this one caught my eye, and I can't help but LOL at it!!

It's too crazy not to share.




On the Left:
Pale
Pregnant
Brunette

On the Right:
Orange
Not Pregnant
Blond


That's one HELL of a before and after in just one week!! :P



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Liam in the grass
housemouse6
housemouse6

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